A Bout de Souffle

I wish I were inspired more. I feel blank most of the time. I want a job. I want to be doing better in school. I want more classes that are on campus! I want to move into our new apartment. I want a new couch and a new TV. I want to have my own money again and not feel guilty all the time. I know that they are just material things, but I worked at GE making good money for over a year and it is hard when I used to be able to pretty much buy everything I wanted. Man, I am just bitching.

I just hope this will all be worth it. Putting college first, I mean. I just want this semester to be over, honestly. And I want to pass. And have a break for the holidays. It will be here soon, though. I am already halfway through the Fall semester. I just worry and stress myself out over my grades. If I can get my Film and the Creative Process grade up I know I will be alright!

I just lose confidence in myself so easily. I feel like it was good for me to take a break from school and learn the lessons I did before I went to college.. but I worry. The academic things I learned from high school just aren't as fresh in my memory. I have been doing alright so far, but I have to take a science class and a math class next semester and I am absolutely dreading it. I am too artsy of a person. I don't do well in math ever. Science, I can get by. Just as long as it's not Physics.. which I would never take anyway. We will see I guess.

And then there is the whole other can of worms in the Spring regarding my admissions into the actual film program. So much stress! It's not even an option but what if I don't get in? What do I do then? Revert back to Film and Media Studies and be a loser? lol. It is so sad but that major is seriously laughed at by everyone at ASU. It's either that though or start all over from scratch and do something completely not film related. That is just so much money wasted!! Agh, I am just not going to think about it now. I'll think about it tomorrow!! Oh man, I love Scarlett O'Hara wisdom.

Just finished watching A Bout de Souffle or Breathless by Jean Luc Godard. Weird movie. A good one, but still really weird. There is just something I can't really put my finger on. Just the characters in general... Ah, see for yourself if you'd like. I will post a video. I liked that there was a lot of existentialism as well as gender issues in it though. Also, it had a very deep and powerful message about love and life. But I don't know.. I just don't think I really agree with that message. Maybe you need to be French?




Ciao!!! = )